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srs2012_r1
šR›
For years, Castiel and Anna had gotten up before the crack of dawn on Sunday morning to watch the sunrise. It was their weekly ritual, giving them time to reflect and consider - their lives, their plans for the coming weeks, or even just taking time to enjoy a beautiful sunrise. Their father hadn't given it a second thought when Anna had started waking up very early. He was actually rather pleased. Castiel joining her, however, had thrown him for a bit of a loop. He asked Castiel about it over breakfast one morning.
"Patron deities have nothing to do with this,” Castiel had replied. “I simply enjoy watching the sunrise." And his father had shrugged, and that was that.
So when Castiel declared his intention to become a sun priest, his father and sister both supported him through it. He ignored the rumors circulating through the village, paid no heed to the whispers that followed him.
"Have you heard about Castiel? He wants to join Ek'samkeit's order."
"Oh, the poor boy must be so confused. Give him a while, he'll come to his senses - he's such a hard worker, the head of the Alkasti order would absolutely love to have him as an apprentice."
But Castiel was determined. He poured over scripture, memorized every ritual, prayed to both Alkasti and Ek'samkeit for strength and wisdom. When he was accepted into the priesthood of Ek'samkeit, no one could say he wasn't devout. Eventually, it stopped being a thing of gossip. Castiel devoted his life to the order, moving into the temple dormitories, teaching those who wished to be taught. He loved the sun with all of his heart, and people liked to say that where he walked, it was a little bit warmer.
šR›
It was an altogether unremarkable day when Castiel met Sam.
He had been visiting Anna in the morning. When their father died, he had left her their house, an old, rickety, wooden box-like thing on its last few dredges of life. Anna honestly couldn't part with it. "I'll live in this house until the day I die," she said to her brother, "and not a moment sooner."
"Anna, please-"
"Cas," she said, and he stopped at the moniker. It was her surefire way of getting him to shut up; big sister's prerogative, she used to call it. "I love this house. I love the warped floor and the broken window in the back room and the wind chimes out front. I appreciate the effort," she said, taking his hands in hers, "but you can't make me leave. Just let me be, okay?" Castiel dropped the subject, and they watched the desert sunrise in tense, uncomfortable silence.
As the sun came up over the horizon, the sky was suffused with gold, washing away the violet darkness of night. It was these sights that Castiel treasured most, that set him on his path of religion. The sun pierced through him in many ways that the moon could not - it warmed his heart and his soul, and filled him with joy. The moon just made him sad, for reasons he couldn't quite explain. Like he was missing a piece of himself, quietly nostalgic for a thing that he had never known. It unsettled him. The sun was much simpler to him. Today, it seemed even brighter than usual, even larger. Closer.
The early morning breeze caressed his face, a brief hint of coolness in the desert. The sun chimes hanging from the wall rang out, stones and shells clinking with the odd bits of gold and metal. They didn't have any bells, as tradition dictated, but that didn't seem to matter. To his left, Anna had closed her eyes, mouth slightly parted. Castiel knew better than to think that she was asleep. "Anna, I'm not-" he spoke quickly, but his voice dried up in his throat. It was too late; she was reading the chimes.
"Cas," she sighed, her voice mingling with the chimes, "make sure the invitational is fixed."
"What?" The invitational that hung on the temple door had been just fine when Castiel left it ten hours earlier, it didn't need fixing.
"And don't be afraid." Her face was pinched, concerned. "Castiel, you mustn't be afraid."
Castiel frowned. Anna's readings were often vague and disjointed, having never received formal training - 'The freaks,' she used to refer to themselves fondly, 'the hidden chimereader and the moonchild who wants to be a sun priest. Whatever will they do with us?' - but they had at least some kind of logic to them, some kind of sense. Not so here.
"I promise, I won't be afraid."
"Good," she said, and then promptly fell asleep. Castiel sighed, resigning himself to watching the rest of the sunrise alone. It was no good trying to wake her up; whenever Anna read the chimes, she would be out for at least six hours, waking up with no memory of the reading, or anything she did up to an hour before it. Castiel really had no desire to bring up the topic of selling the house again.
The readings only took so much out of her because she refused to undergo training. "I want a life that doesn't involve me holed up in the temple. I'm not like you, Cas," she'd said, "I believe, but I want to live." Castiel had understood how she felt. You couldn't pursue a path that was expected of you when your soul was determined to seek a different one. Of course Castiel had understood.
The sun was well above the horizon when Castiel put Anna to bed. He left her a note telling her what happened. Then he walked down the dusty road to the temple at the center of town. He had to check on the invitational before the senior priest, Zachariah, woke up.
šR›
True to his memory, the invitational was fine. It hung upon the temple door, a plaque made out of solid gold, decorated with angular etchings of the sun, and bearing an invitation to the sun god to enter. "We welcome you, Ek'samkeit, and implore you to enter this house of yours on Earth." Castiel smiled to himself as he touched it, brushing the desert dust off of the corner. The invitational was just fine. He didn't dismiss Anna's words, however. She hadn't been wrong yet.
Keeping her warning close to his heart, he went about his day as fearlessly as he could. He said his prayers aloud with added emphasis, cleaned and tidied the ritual rooms with a lightness in his heart, humming a sacred chant from the winter solstice festival to pass the time. The solstice was just under two months away, but it was Castiel's favorite of all the sun or moon festivals. As a child, he had always been so enamored of the pageant, even as he had been just the slightest bit bitter that he had never been involved. He had always harbored a secret desire to play the part of Alkasti, and prepare Ek'samkeit for his yearly battle with Lehefsre, lord of death. Time passed, and he grew too old to be properly excited about the pageant, let alone play a part in it. It was his favorite part of his favorite festival, and even if he was calm and collected on the outside, on the inside he was a little boy all over again.
Castiel finished cleaning the temple before lunch, the sun beating down on him through the windows. It was a brutally hot day for this late in the year, and the light reflected from the golden circle on the floor was so strong that it nearly blinded him. He threw a hand over his eyes in an attempt to shield them, and made his way to the door for some fresh air. The wood was hot to the touch, the inlaid gold even more so. Castiel pulled open the door, and, in his haste to get outside, almost ran into someone who was standing there.
The light was even brighter outside, and Castiel needed a moment to see the stranger properly. He was tall, and young, wearing the clothes of a traveler. One hand was raised as if to knock on the door. "Uh," said the stranger, blinking in surprise.
Castiel blinked in response, taking a moment to reorient himself. "Hello," he said. The sun was behind the stranger's head, and Castiel had to squint to look him in the eyes. "Can I help you with anything?"
"Uh," repeated the stranger. "I was just… your invitational is broken," he said. His other hand held out the two broken halves stacked up on each other. "It's my fault," he continued quickly, apologetically, "someone was trying to steal it, and I was trying to stop him, and… and he dropped it. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you myself."
Castiel took the invitational wordlessly. He had always liked this one. While he was glad that it hadn't been stolen, it wouldn't be fixed for almost a week. An ill omen - it was bad luck not to have an invitational on your door. How else would the gods enter the temple? "Thank you for stopping the thief," he said, accepting the broken plaque. "This should be quite easy to fix."
They stood in silence for another moment, until Castiel remembered his manners. “Is there anything else I can help you with?” he asked quietly. “Are you a pilgrim? If you need shelter and don’t have any money, the temple has rooms where you can - “
“No, I’m not a pilgrim,” said the stranger, smiling oddly, as if Castiel has pleased him in some way, “but thank you anyway. I have to be on my way, anyhow.”
“Come inside, have something to eat or drink before you leave.”
Sam glanced at the door, then at the broken invitational in Castiel’s hands. “I can’t. Thank you very much for your kindness, but, I’ll be fine.” He smiled again, dimples etching his cheeks, and for a moment, the world was brighter. Castiel’s breath was stolen away.
“May Ek’samkeit light your way,” Castiel stammered out, and the stranger replied, “And you.” Then he was gone.
šR›
The invitational was repaired within three days, and, when he hung it on the door, Castiel felt a little bit safer, if he was being honest with himself. Even if he strove to not be afraid, he would take extra caution when he could.
Castiel had not forgotten the encounter with the stranger who had knocked on the door a week prior. He wasn’t sure how he could forget - the intensity of his smile, even for just that moment, would stay with him forever, most likely. The rest of his features had gotten lost in the glare of the desert sun behind him. If he strained his memory, he thought he could make out long brown hair. He wondered what the boy had been doing on that day, why he was in the town, if he wasn’t traveling the religious route. There were not many other reasons to come to Kurdali, being so far out of the way of the trade route as it was.
It was evening, and it was too hot. The weather had been strange all week, and none of the chimereaders knew why. When Castiel had asked Anna, she had simply replied, “Ek’samkeit isn’t answering.”
“He isn’t listening?” Castiel asked, fear creeping into his voice.
“No,” said Anna, with trembling words. “It’s not that. He’s just... not there. He’s gone. He’s gone, Castiel.” Then she burst into tears, and it had taken him two hours to calm her down and put her to bed.
That had been earlier this morning, and Castiel was deeply troubled by it. He didn’t believe that the sun god had abandoned them, not for one second - he couldn’t even if he tried, his faith was simply too strong. But that still left the question of what on Earth was going on?
A knock on the door shook Castiel out of his thoughts. It was the stranger from last week. With the sun setting behind the temple, Castiel could get a look at him this time. He was just as tall as he remembered, and young, with strong cheekbones and long, soft brown hair. He was still wearing the traveler’s clothes, and he had no supply pack. When he saw Castiel, he smiled with dimples. “Hello!” he said. His voice reminded Castiel of the sun chimes, resounding, but light, and infused with joy. Castiel smiled back at him.
“Hello,” he said, suddenly nervous. “Can I help you with anything?”
“Actually, yes,” said the stranger. “Does the offer of lodging still stand? I know I’m not a pilgrim, but I don’t have any money, and I have nowhere else to stay...” he trailed off, looking a little bit sheepish. Castiel was a little at a loss for what to do. Technically, he wasn’t allowed to stay in the temple - the rooms were reserved for those who made the pilgrimage to all the sun temples along the golden line. But Castiel felt that he couldn’t deny this stranger anything. For some reason, denying him shelter in the temple felt like a very silly thing to do.
“Come in,” Castiel stepped back to let the stranger enter. “Of course you may stay.” The stranger flashed him another bright, dimpled, blinding smile.
It was only after Castiel had gotten him settled with some food and water that he learned his name. “Oh,” he said, as if the question surprised him. “I’m - Sam. Yeah. You can call me Sam.”
“My name is Castiel.” It was hard to focus on the conversation, because Sam kept smiling. His smile was as mesmerizing as the sunrise, and Castiel could not possibly keep a coherent train of thought when faced with that face. “So, if you’re not a pilgrim, where are you traveling?”
Sam’s face turned thoughtful, almost sad, even. “I’m looking for someone,” he said softly. “A very good friend of mine. He went missing a while ago.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Castiel murmured. Without realizing, he reached out and grasped Sam’s warm hand between both of his. “If you like, we could pray for his safe return.”
Sam smiled again, smaller, but no less beautiful. Gods, it was almost painful to look at him. “Thank you, but perhaps not right now. I would much rather rest. Besides, I believe I am getting much closer to finding him.” In the glow of the early twilight, Sam did indeed look tired, pale and thin and sort of stretched out. Castiel wanted to leave him alone, but he couldn’t. He was drawn to this young man, wanted to know everything about him, didn’t want to leave his side. He let go of Sam’s hand, but stayed close.
“Have you ever been to the temple at Kurdali before?” he asked, attempting to draw out conversation.
“Once, when I was very young, after my brother died.” Even tinged with sorrow, Sam’s joy was infectious, his whole being radiating comfort and warmth, and Castiel drew even closer, one hand on Sam’s knee. Sam noticed it, but he seemed not to mind. “I visited all the temples, but this one was my favorite. I remember Old Man Peter,” he said, turning his face towards Castiel, who had almost stopped listening. They were so close, Castiel could lean forward and -
He pulled back. “Peter?” Peter had lived almost a thousand years ago. Something was wrong here. “Peter was the first priest of the Kurdali temple. He built this temple.”
“Yes,” Sam nodded. “He was very surprised to see me. I think he was worried that he had done something wrong.”
Castiel stood up, took a step back. Sam followed him. “Is something wrong?” Outside, the Alkasti bell rang out, signifying the change from day to night. The temple should have been dark, but it was as if the sun hadn’t set. And then Castiel realized that the light was coming from Sam.
Sam walked closer. His skin was glowing, and Castiel could feel the heat rise with every step. “Don’t be afraid,” he said, and his voice resounded like Anna’s sun chimes.
“You couldn’t come in because the invitational was broken,” he said haltingly.
“Thank you for fixing it,” Sam - no, Ek’samkeit - replied with a smile. “I wanted to meet you.”
Castiel almost laughed. Ek’samkeit, the god of the sun, had entered this temple, in order to meet Castiel. This was a blessing, he was being rewarded for his faith, and he should be feeling joy, but all he could feel was the tightness of his chest and the shortness of his breathing.
“Some people go mad,” Sam said, stepping closer, “but you won’t, will you?”
Castiel trembled in fear. Oh gods. Oh gods. This was Ek’samkeit, before him, but it was still Sam, and he was so close that Castiel could see the gold in his eyes, and he wanted to run. “Don’t be afraid,” Sam whispered again, one hand stroking over his cheek. “Please don’t be afraid.” Don’t be afraid, whispered Anna in his mind. He was, though. He was so afraid.
“I’m not,” he murmured, and Sam smiled, again, that smile that stopped Castiel’s heart, before leaning forward and covering Castiel’s lips with his own.
Sam was hot, molten against his skin, and Castiel wanted more of it. He let his hands wander up, twining into Sam’s hair, and when Sam’s mouth parted in a soft groan, Castiel slipped his tongue inside the hot cavern, tongue seeking and licking at the inside of Sam’s teeth. Castiel felt his whole body heating from the inside out, felt warmth burning through the tips of his fingers into his heart and soul. Gods, this, kissing Sam, kissing Ek’samkeit was perfect, ecstasy and transcendence, and Castiel would give up everything he had for even just a second of this.
Sam pulled away and Castiel followed, seeking more, but was stopped by Sam’s hand on his chest. He was pushed backwards until he hit the altar table, and in one swift movement, Sam had dropped to his knees, pulling apart Castiel’s golden robe. “Wha-?”
“I need it,” Sam groaned, rubbing his hands up and down Castiel’s thighs. His cock stood proudly in the folds of his robe, and Sam eyed it with hunger. “I need this, please, I need you.”
“But,” Castiel stammered, he could barely think, the heat threatening to overwhelm him, but he pulled himself together, “but shouldn’t it be me?”
“I need you,” Sam moaned, pressing his face into Castiel’s crotch. Castiel bucked back against the table, put a fist in his mouth to muffle his noises. “I need you - there’s no one like you, no one with your faith and your devotion, and I need it, Castiel,” Sam looked up with pleading, wild eyes, glowing skin, a halo of fire around his head. “Will you worship me?” And how could he possibly say no to his god.
The first delicate press of Sam’s tongue against his cock sent his head reeling, and Castiel thought he might combust. Sam was so thorough, his mouth so exquisitely hot and wet that Castiel couldn’t help but thrust forward into Sam’s mouth, and Sam took it, his fingers like brands against Castiel’s bare skin. Noises spilled from his mouth, meaningless bursts of “yes” and “please” and “Sam,” he wound his fingers in Sam’s hair, worshiping him with every thrust of his hips and clench of his hands and every sound that Sam pulled out of him.
When he came, Sam drank it down eagerly, taking Castiel all the way to the back of his throat and holding him there, refusing to let a single drop escape. Castiel saw stars, had to close his eyes because Sam was shining almost blindingly bright. For a few moments, Castiel was submersed in darkness, the only sound the quiet pounding of his heart. When he opened his eyes and looked down, Sam was sitting back on his heels, eyes closed. Smiling. “I thank you for your sacrifice,” he said, licking his lips.
Castiel’s legs gave out, and he crashed to his knees, head bowed, shaking with the force of what he’d just done. “I,” he panted, “I... what did I just - “
“You helped me,” came Sam’s quiet, steady voice. He took Casiel’s head in his hands, and kissed his forehead gently. Warmth suffused his entire body, washed over him, and Castiel shivered at the blessing. “You have given me a great gift.” Castiel struggled not to cry.
“Why me?” he bit out. “What did I do?”
Sam didn’t answer him. Instead, he gathered the shaking Castiel in his arms, tucking his head under his own. Castiel closed his eyes, and shuddered at the feel of Sam’s lips on his hair. Almost without realizing it, Castiel sent a prayer of thanks to Ek’samkeit. He felt Sam stiffen, then relax with a contented sigh, and he embraced Castiel even tighter, the circle of his arms warm like a shaft of sunlight falling on Castiel during his morning ritual. “Because of that,” Sam whispered. It was like this, wrapped in the arms of the god, that Castiel fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was laid out on a pew, his head in Sam’s lap. Sam idly carded his fingers through Castiel’s hair, looking out the window. “It’s nearly dawn,” he said, and looking down, he grinned lightly. “You may want to close your eyes again.” Castiel shut his eyes tightly. He knew the sun had risen because he could feel Sam’s fingers growing hot, and there was a burst of light that he could see behind his eyelids. When he opened his eyes again, Castiel saw the morning light streaming through his hair.
“You’re still here,” he breathed. He had been afraid that last night had been some kind of dream.
“I won’t leave you,” he said softly, a warm hand tracing the lines of Castiel’s face. “And I’m sorry, but I have a favor to ask of you.”
Castiel sat up. “What is it?” Sam’s look turned dark, and Castiel felt a chill in the air.
“You know that I must fight again with Lehefsre soon.” Castiel nodded. The solstice was only a month and a half away. During the longest night of the year, Ek’samkeit and Lehefsre would fight, Lehefsre to steal Ek’samkeit’s power, and Ek’samkeit to avenge his brother’s death. “In order to weaken me, he has hidden Alkasti from me.”
“Your missing friend,” said Castiel, realization dawning on him.
I don’t think I will be able to find him in time, and I need my second. Castiel,” he took Castiel’s hands in his own, staring intently into Castiel’s eyes. Castiel could see the gold in his eyes pulsing softly, like a beating heart. “Will you be my second?”
So this is what Anna and Sam had meant when they told Castiel to not be afraid. “I will,” he declared. And he would not be afraid. He leaned forward and kissed Sam softly, and it felt like he was stepping into sunlight after days of living in darkness.
