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srs2012_r1Summary: Hunters Gordon, Victor, and Balthazar stumble across a newly turned vampire - literally. Balthazar has hope that he can find a cure before Castiel succumbs to his hunger, but Gordon and Victor are doubtful that will happen. Unfortunately, it appears as though they may be right.
Word Count: 3998 in Microsoft Word
Characters: Balthazar, Castiel, Victor Henrikson, Gordon Walker
Pairings: Balthazar/Castiel
Tags: Character Death, Suicide
“This is it? Are you kidding me? This is a waste of time.” Gordon crossed his arms and let the branches snap back in place, blocking the view of the brightly painted barn.
“So it’s a little unorthodox, but blending in is to their advantage. Besides, what’s the big deal if I’m wrong? Unless you’re afraid of facing the deadly bos primigenius.” Without waiting for a response, Balthazar drew his machete and side-stepped the overgrown bush that blocked the trail. He heard Victor’s crossbow shift, its blood-tipped bolts clicking together, followed by the muted fwip of a second machete being drawn and knew he would have no more arguments.
When the path ended, Victor broke away and crept along the side of the barn to the dingy window facing the pasture. Balthazar led Gordon around to the door and paused, their backs pressed against the bright red wood. The breeze stilled in time for the sharp snap of wood-on-wood to be heard over the tinkling wind chime, followed by a single word: “Don’t.”
Moving as one, Balthazar and Gordon kicked the door in and the sleeping nest jerked to life with a sudden collection of hisses and growls. Victor shattered the window with his crossbow, drawing their attention and giving Gordon a perfect opening.
Victor’s impeccable aim weakened the entire group of vampires in a matter of minutes, making it easy for Balthazar and Gordon to finish them off. The only remaining being was the young man the vampires had taken captive. He had been thrown aside when they entered and was lying unconscious on his stomach in the centre of the barn.
“Is he alive?” Victor peered over Gordon’s shoulder and frowned at the sight. “Dammit. We were too late.”
Swearing, Gordon reached for his abandoned blade, but Balthazar beat him to it and stepped on the handle. “What are you doing? We don’t have to kill him; he’s only just been turned.”
The desperate eagerness in Balthazar’s tone caught both of his companions off guard, though Gordon found his voice soon enough. “A monster is a monster, just turned or not. Let me put him down before someone gets hurt.”
“You’ll be the one that gets hurt if you don’t back off.” Balthazar’s usual jovial tone was nothing but a dangerous growl that made Gordon’s hand recoil.
“That bleeding heart of yours is going to get you killed one day. You’d better keep that damn thing in line.” Gordon stormed away then, preparing to dispose of the bodies scattered throughout the barn.
----
The sun had barely dipped below the horizon when the newly turned vampire stirred. Victor had convinced Balthazar to take precautions and he had injected the young man with dead man’s blood after binding him to the bed.
“Don’t panic; you’re safe.” Balthazar appreciated the irony in his words and he wasn’t at all surprised when they did nothing to reassure the other man. “I’m not going to hurt you; I know how that must sound, but this is necessary for my safety and for yours.”
The dark haired man met Balthazar’s gaze, his blue eyes wide and bloodshot. “What do you want with me?” Balthazar was impressed with the calm certainty of his tone in spite of the situation.
“I only want to help. Do you remember what happened?” Balthazar was careful to keep his expression soft. “My name is Balthazar, by the way.”
Even in the dark, the hunter could see the other man’s eyes searching his face. What he was looking for, Balthazar couldn’t say, but he must have found something because he relaxed and nodded. “Castiel.”
After that, it was easy to convince Castiel to tell his story; he was a runaway from a large family, searching for his older sister who had left years before. A young woman named Marissa found him sleeping in an alley and offered to take him in, which was how he ended up at the barn.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened until a week later, when he’d woken up to find two men he didn’t recognize draining blood from one of the cows, unaware of his presence. Marissa explained that the men were her brothers and that their family was dying. That he could join them and have a better family, as soon as their father returned from his trip.
The next day, the vampires were dead and Marissa was missing.
“You were too late, weren’t you? That’s why I’m like this.” Castiel lifted an arm, gesturing to the ropes around his wrists.
“I’m sorry. Newly turned vampires are unpredictable. You’re probably hungry.” Thankful he’d thought ahead, Balthazar retrieved a gallon of the cow’s blood he’d harvested and then freed Castiel’s wrists. “It’s from the cow. You have to eat, but as long as it isn’t human, there’s a way to reverse your condition.”
Castiel wrinkled his nose in disgust and frowned deeply at the jug in his lap. “Must I?”
“Just pretend it’s the finest wine you can imagine.” The advice must have helped some, because Castiel managed to choke down half the gallon before setting it aside.
In spite of his willingness to take in a newly turned vampire, Balthazar had fully expected to be at least uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with Castiel, but as the night wore on he discovered that he wasn’t in the slightest. Strange as it was, there was something comforting about the younger man’s presence, a feeling of camaraderie that he hadn’t even experienced with Victor or Gordon. Whatever the feeling was, it was welcome.
The next few days were a mess of intense, uncomfortable, and mostly pointless research sessions. Gordon and Victor both refused to be anywhere near Castiel; their need to avoid the newly turned vampire was so ridiculous that they were rarely in the house at all, except to eat, sleep and “research.” They weren’t interested in helping find the cure at all, and any relevant research was slow-going and nearly impossible to find.
Balthazar was the only person who would talk to Castiel, and though it was rarely good news he had to deliver, their bond grew with each conversation. They spoke of their childhood, hobbies, and dreams and discovered they were strangely alike; they both had disinterested parents and a need for something away from home.
Castiel insisted that he could hold his own in a fight, but against creatures he didn’t even know existed, even the hardest of men couldn’t handle that. He didn’t want pity from Balthazar, but that was something the hunter never offered. Instead, Balthazar was understanding and even taught Castiel a few things about hunting. It almost felt like he was being included and the thought warmed him somewhat.
He looked up to Balthazar for that reason; the other hunters weren’t as forward, and they seemed wary around him. But Balthazar was different. He was skilled; he’d told Castiel tales of different hunts and the younger man would stare at him in awe and fascination, longing clear in his bright blue eyes.
----
It was a few days later when Balthazar brought it up. Castiel’s hunger had been getting worse the longer he was in the state of being half-turned. His eyes had started to glaze over and his voice began to sound far-away, like he didn’t fully understand what he was saying and was having trouble focusing.
“You could do it you know.” Balthazar spoke quietly, influenced by the sight of Castiel’s amazement with him and with hunting.
“Do what?” Castiel sounded dazed, his eyes focused on something on the other side of the window. He was still on the bed, cow’s blood in hand.
“Become a hunter, with me… with us,” Balthazar’s voice was less hesitant now, and he sat forward on his chair, his hands open before him in earnest. “Once we find a cure, you can just stay with us! It’s not like you have anywhere else to go.”
“What about my sister?” Castiel’s head tilted and his brow furrowed as he turned to the older man, facing him and hitching a leg further up onto the bed..
“We can find her! We’re some of the best at tracking; we found the nest you were at in just a few days… she can’t be that hard to find. I’ll help you. I just don’t want you on the street again.” Balthazar sat back in his chair, clearing his throat and scratching at the back of his neck.
“Well… find a cure. Then find her. I’ll think about it… when I can think clearly.” Castiel trailed off as his head dropped forwards, shoulders slumping and then shaking, the glass of blood in his hand tipping over and spilling onto the bed, the red seeping into the covers. Balthazar was on his feet in a matter of seconds and he climbed onto the bed next to Castiel.
He pushed the glass out of Castiel’s limp hand and rolled the younger man onto his back. His eyes were bloodshot and glassy, mouth open and wet, a large row of jagged fangs pressing dents into his lower lip. Balthazar pulled at Castiel’s eyelids, pushing them further up and leaning to the side to let the light fan over them; his pupils were pinpricks in the centre of his now dull blue irises.
“Shit, it’s getting worse! I’ll find a cure soon. Just don’t go crazy on me Cas. Just hold on!”
---
After Castiel’s scare, Balthazar doubled the vampire’s blood intake and threw himself into his research with a newfound frenzy. Both of his efforts paid off shortly thereafter; not only did consuming more animal blood help Castiel recover, but Balthazar managed stumbled across the cure in an old hunter’s journal Gordon found.
The next time Victor and Gordon returned to the house, Balthazar was quick to call them to action.
“Good, you’re back; I have a list of everything we need to reverse Castiel’s transformation; we need you to pick them up on your next run.” Balthazar was sick of sitting on his fine ass and was desperate to get into action; his new friend was not looking any better than when he first met him.
“And why are we gonna do that, your royal highness?” Gordon growled, eyes narrowed as he glanced at Castiel.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t asking. We need everything on that list as soon as possible.” Crossing his arms, Balthazar blocked Castiel from view and caught Gordon’s gaze, his expression barring no arguments.
“C’mon now, we have better things to do!” Gordon crossed his arms as well and Balthazar couldn’t help but muse at how much he looked like a puffed up chicken.
“Forgive me, but I thought we became hunters to protect people. Is this not protecting people?” As Gordon advanced, Balthazar raised an eyebrow and held his ground.
“No, it’s protecting soon to be monsters, which is what we kill, in case you forgot. You’re not going soft on us, are you?” By the time he finished, Gordon was in Balthazar’s face, his scowl deepening when he realized the other hunter wasn’t going to back down.
“Oh believe me, going soft is not a problem I have.” Behind them, Castiel shifted uncomfortably.
“Just give us the damn list.” Victor intervened. “You can stay here and babysit.”
“Much obliged.” Balthazar said airily. Only Castiel noticed his clenched fists as his companions left.
Nearly forty five minutes later, Castiel finally spoke up. “Balthazar, stop pacing around the room. You’ll make yourself dizzy.”
“I hate being so useless. I just feel I should be doing something.” Balthazar had to fight the urge to throw himself onto the bed dramatically.
“You’ve done enough. You found what we need to give me a chance, just relax, please.”
“What do you mean ‘I’ve done enough’?” Balthazar asked, skeptical of Castiel’s tone.
“I just mean... You’re gonna take it the wrong way if I tell you.”
“Tell me.”
“Forget I said anything.”
“Tell me.” Balthazar practically growled, closing the space between them.
“Maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you had to kill me. I mean, look at my life. I’ve not done a lot I’m proud of. Just maybe-” Balthazar cut him off and grabbed him by the collar.
“Don’t you ever talk like that again. You’re worth it, Cas, God damn it, why can’t you see that? You’re worth fighting for.” Balthazar shook Castiel slightly for emphasis, but the vampire couldn’t meet his gaze.
“Look, I’m not saying I want to die… just that maybe I don’t want to live.”
“Why can’t you see you deserve to live?” Hands tightening on his arms, Balthazar shifted, meeting Castiel’s gaze.
“I’m, I’m sorry.” He stammered, too scared to say anything else as he noticed Balthazar’s trembling hands and jagged breath. “Would a kiss make you feel better?”
“What?” Balthazar’s eyes widened, but Castiel just looked down and held out his hand.
“Hershey’s Kisses. I always carry some around with me in case I feel down.” Balthazar’s shoulders began to shake in silent laughter.
“So you just carry these around?” he asked, chuckling.
“Yes. I used to go to a friend’s house after school as a kid, and if I was ever upset their dad would give me one of these. They were still new back then so they were really exciting- I was never sad eating them.”
“Wow Cas, you actually had a friend?” Balthazar joked awkwardly, not entirely sure why he felt so awkward.
“Briefly. It turned out our friendship was a little one-sided.” Castiel looked away, frowning.
“I’m sorry they didn’t appreciate you.” Reaching up, Balthazar tilted Castiel’s chin to meet his gaze again.
“Me too.”
“I think I will have that kiss.” Balthazar said, taking the candy out of Cas’ hand whilst planting a kiss on his cheek before walking away. He missed Cas’ blush, which was a shame because he would have loved to see that small self-conscious grin.
“Are you bored?” Castiel asked after a few minutes of silence.
“No, I’m quite content watching the shadows race. Of course I’m bored.”
“I found a pack of cards. Do you know how to play anything?”
Interest piqued, Balthazar nodded. “Do you know Blackjack?”
“Of course.”
---
“Ace, change to hearts.” Balthazar said unenthusiastically. The last round had become so heated that he’d had thrown the cards across the room in anger and was about to storm off before he saw the look on Castiel’s face. This round he was trying to remain calm. Castiel simply smiled as he picked up a card.
Distracted from the game, Balthazar found himself staring at Castiel. “You’re starting to grow quite a beard there, Cassie. Why don’t you shave that thing off?”
Caught off-guard, the younger man looked almost embarrassed. “I, I don’t know how to shave.”
“What?!” Balthazar exclaimed, carelessly dropping his cards on the table.
“My father was never around to teach me, and after I cut myself trying, my brothers just did it for me. It never grew fast enough for it to be a problem before.” He shrugged nonchalantly.
“I bet you don’t know how to put on a tie either?”
Castiel shrugged. “Not exactly.”
“Well I can’t risk teaching you to shave in case you cut yourself and, well,” he gestured towards Castiel, who nodded in understanding. “But wait right here.”
He returned holding a slip of fabric. “You bring this under, like this.” He murmured as he knotted the tie for Castiel, making sure he was able to see the movements. Castiel could feel Balthazar’s breath against his neck. “Now you try.” He instructed without moving back.
In the few short weeks they had known each other, the need for personal space had disappeared - they were just too comfortable in each other’s presence to need much space. Castiel clumsily tried to replicate what Balthazar had just done. It wasn’t perfect but Balthazar commended his attempt.
“Keep trying.”
---
“Anything?”
“Turn the flashlight on and look for yourself.”
“What’s the point in knowing a creature of the night if he won’t help you prowl through the darkness without bumping into walls?”
The jokes were slowly losing their sting. Slowly. Castiel still had to grit his teeth every time someone or something reminded him of what he was, an action which only made the slits scoring his gums more noticeable. He’d taken to running his tongue over them when he was thinking, and did so now, until his shoulder was grabbed.
“What’s that?”
“Me. Balthazar.”
“Ah.”
Castiel let his eyes wander across the room, taking in every possible hiding place. He knew there were no vampires in the tenement blocks, he’d known that since they had pulled up outside, but he also knew this particular vampire’s MO. He’d been through it himself, after all. Balthazar had needed little persuasion to check the building for humans. They weren’t getting the blood of his sire tonight, but maybe they could save some lives.
There was suddenly an arm around his waist.
“That is also me.”
“I see that.”
He didn’t need the burst of illumination from the flashlight to know Balthazar was smirking; his voice was dripping with it. He rolled his eyes and removed the hand on his hip.
“Let’s try the next level.” He didn’t let go of Balthazar’s hand when they found the stairs, even as they each edged a different way around the gaping hole they came to half way up. On hunts, Castiel liked knowing where Balthazar was at all times, and contact was as good a way as any of keeping track. Better than most, even, since Balthazar wasn’t complaining about it.
The top floor was silent, but they went through the motions. Neither said it, but there was always the chance of discovering a body. When the search remained fruitless Castiel shifted to head back to the staircase, but Balthazar’s hand stopped him. It enclosed his wrist, tighter than before, and he was brought abruptly to a halt.
“What is it?”
“Look.”
He did. Balthazar had caught him next to a gaping hole in the thin wall, the jagged rips cutting into a view across the city, where a thousand lights blended into a rich glow. The balmy southern air played with Balthazar’s hair, shaggy from lack of recent attention. Castiel watched him watch the city, and smiled.
“I didn’t think you would be one to appreciate a view.” Castiel quipped, smiling as Balthazar chuckled.
“You wouldn’t know it, would you? Not since I only hung around with Gordon and Victor. Maybe that’s why I fought so hard for you.” His fingers brushed the back of Castiel’s neck as they both surveyed the metropolis, still burning with life, even in the early hours of the morning.
“So you’re not just pretending to be that shallow, you really are.”
“Guilty. But then,” his hand came to rest and Castiel found himself subject to the smallest push. “Perhaps it takes a shallow man to see the good in a vampire.”
In the end, the gap wasn’t that far, and as they closed it, it didn’t feel like the first time. They fit, Castiel realised, as his eyes flickered shut of their own accord.
He felt the smile on Balthazar’s lips, and was going to draw back to berate him on his sense of triumph when the other man froze. Castiel did pull back then, opening his eyes to search Balthazar’s. He found them wide.
He felt Balthazar buckle, and suddenly Castiel was supporting the entirety of the other man’s weight. They hit the wall painfully and slid to the ground, and it was only then Castiel saw the wooden bolt, soaked in what must be dead man’s blood, protruding from Balthazar’s side.
Castiel almost snapped his own neck as he scanned the room. There was no sign of a close attack, but there were footfalls close to the stairs. His first thoughts, traitorously, were Victor and Gordon, but the step was lighter than either, and both were good shots. If they had chosen to kill him, he would be dead. But instead...
He ran a hasty hand over Balthazar’s forehead, trying to keep him still as he choked on the air he was meant to be breathing.
“No, no, no, no...”
There was blood on his chin now, and Castiel tore his eyes away, looking instead to where the footsteps were drawing closer.
The hunter was young, doe-eyed and new to the game. Castiel could tell by the way his crossbow hung loosely at his side. It wasn’t difficult to slam him against the wall. Maybe he knocked him out, or maybe there was a crack, Castiel couldn’t tell over the ringing in his ears. Either way, he was back beside Balthazar before the other opened his eyes.
“Well. That ruined the moment somewhat.” Castiel chose to ignore the hacking breaths around the voice that had always been so smooth.
“Don’t talk.” Talking made blood fleck his lips. “We need to get you to a hospital.”
“I’m not getting that far, Cassie.”
“Don’t.” It came out as a sob. Balthazar met his gaze and seemed almost apologetic, which made Castiel feel worse. Worse than worse. Helpless.
But wait. He wasn’t.
Balthazar seemed to see the thought in his expression.
“Cassie... don’t.”
“But you would heal.”
“And you would... f-forever... feel guilt. Don’t do this to yourself. Not... for m-me. I don’t want you to.”
Castiel’s wrist was half way to his mouth before Balthazar knocked it away. The effort seemed to destroy a part of him; his face crumpled into agony and the coughing returned. Castiel’s eyes stung. The blood? Or the fact that it was Balthazar’s blood?
“Please don’t leave me. Not you.” A shadow of the old, playful smile flickered across Balthazar’s face.
“You’re not shaking me... easy, Cassie. If anyone should believe in... life after d-death, it’s us. You’ll see me again.”
Except you’ll be going straight upstairs and I’m...
There was a crash, and voices two floors down. There were more, of course there were. Castiel froze, but Balthazar didn’t seem to hear them.
“I’ll find you,” Castiel agreed, grasping the other man’s hand, thinking vaguely of the easy way their fingers had interlocked not an hour before. “If I have to break into Heaven itself.”
The laugh brought up more blood, but this time Cas didn’t look away.
He’s going where I can’t follow. I’m already damned. I’ve been damned since the barn. No, before the barn. Since Anna left. But it doesn’t matter when. What matters is I am. And nothing is going to change that. Not some magic potion, not good intentions and not falling in love. I’m lost.
So.
He bent forward, crushing his lips to Balthazar’s bloody mouth. It wasn’t the sweet, gentle kiss they had shared minutes before. It was the last desperate kiss of a dead man, deep, and mixed with hot tears from one or both of them, Castiel couldn’t tell.
The blood was hot too. It seemed to shoot through Castiel’s senses, making everything suddenly a thousand times more lucid. He could feel every shudder of Balthazar’s breath, could hear his uneven heartbeat. And he could hear the team of eight hunters in the floors below suddenly noticing their comrade was missing. Dead, Castiel knew now. He couldn’t hear a pulse.
He broke the kiss with everything inexplicably clear. He stayed for a moment, his forehead pressed against Balthazar’s temple, listening to the uneven breathing slow.
Slow.
Stop.
He gave himself a moment to sob, burying his face in his Balthazar’s collar, but the fading pulse soon drove him away. He knew what he had to do. The fangs slid easily around his human teeth, as though they had been waiting for him the whole time.
Leaving his lover’s body under the twinkling city view, Castiel walked back towards the staircase.
He wouldn’t get far.
It didn’t matter.
Word Count: 3998 in Microsoft Word
Characters: Balthazar, Castiel, Victor Henrikson, Gordon Walker
Pairings: Balthazar/Castiel
Tags: Character Death, Suicide
“This is it? Are you kidding me? This is a waste of time.” Gordon crossed his arms and let the branches snap back in place, blocking the view of the brightly painted barn.
“So it’s a little unorthodox, but blending in is to their advantage. Besides, what’s the big deal if I’m wrong? Unless you’re afraid of facing the deadly bos primigenius.” Without waiting for a response, Balthazar drew his machete and side-stepped the overgrown bush that blocked the trail. He heard Victor’s crossbow shift, its blood-tipped bolts clicking together, followed by the muted fwip of a second machete being drawn and knew he would have no more arguments.
When the path ended, Victor broke away and crept along the side of the barn to the dingy window facing the pasture. Balthazar led Gordon around to the door and paused, their backs pressed against the bright red wood. The breeze stilled in time for the sharp snap of wood-on-wood to be heard over the tinkling wind chime, followed by a single word: “Don’t.”
Moving as one, Balthazar and Gordon kicked the door in and the sleeping nest jerked to life with a sudden collection of hisses and growls. Victor shattered the window with his crossbow, drawing their attention and giving Gordon a perfect opening.
Victor’s impeccable aim weakened the entire group of vampires in a matter of minutes, making it easy for Balthazar and Gordon to finish them off. The only remaining being was the young man the vampires had taken captive. He had been thrown aside when they entered and was lying unconscious on his stomach in the centre of the barn.
“Is he alive?” Victor peered over Gordon’s shoulder and frowned at the sight. “Dammit. We were too late.”
Swearing, Gordon reached for his abandoned blade, but Balthazar beat him to it and stepped on the handle. “What are you doing? We don’t have to kill him; he’s only just been turned.”
The desperate eagerness in Balthazar’s tone caught both of his companions off guard, though Gordon found his voice soon enough. “A monster is a monster, just turned or not. Let me put him down before someone gets hurt.”
“You’ll be the one that gets hurt if you don’t back off.” Balthazar’s usual jovial tone was nothing but a dangerous growl that made Gordon’s hand recoil.
“That bleeding heart of yours is going to get you killed one day. You’d better keep that damn thing in line.” Gordon stormed away then, preparing to dispose of the bodies scattered throughout the barn.
----
The sun had barely dipped below the horizon when the newly turned vampire stirred. Victor had convinced Balthazar to take precautions and he had injected the young man with dead man’s blood after binding him to the bed.
“Don’t panic; you’re safe.” Balthazar appreciated the irony in his words and he wasn’t at all surprised when they did nothing to reassure the other man. “I’m not going to hurt you; I know how that must sound, but this is necessary for my safety and for yours.”
The dark haired man met Balthazar’s gaze, his blue eyes wide and bloodshot. “What do you want with me?” Balthazar was impressed with the calm certainty of his tone in spite of the situation.
“I only want to help. Do you remember what happened?” Balthazar was careful to keep his expression soft. “My name is Balthazar, by the way.”
Even in the dark, the hunter could see the other man’s eyes searching his face. What he was looking for, Balthazar couldn’t say, but he must have found something because he relaxed and nodded. “Castiel.”
After that, it was easy to convince Castiel to tell his story; he was a runaway from a large family, searching for his older sister who had left years before. A young woman named Marissa found him sleeping in an alley and offered to take him in, which was how he ended up at the barn.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened until a week later, when he’d woken up to find two men he didn’t recognize draining blood from one of the cows, unaware of his presence. Marissa explained that the men were her brothers and that their family was dying. That he could join them and have a better family, as soon as their father returned from his trip.
The next day, the vampires were dead and Marissa was missing.
“You were too late, weren’t you? That’s why I’m like this.” Castiel lifted an arm, gesturing to the ropes around his wrists.
“I’m sorry. Newly turned vampires are unpredictable. You’re probably hungry.” Thankful he’d thought ahead, Balthazar retrieved a gallon of the cow’s blood he’d harvested and then freed Castiel’s wrists. “It’s from the cow. You have to eat, but as long as it isn’t human, there’s a way to reverse your condition.”
Castiel wrinkled his nose in disgust and frowned deeply at the jug in his lap. “Must I?”
“Just pretend it’s the finest wine you can imagine.” The advice must have helped some, because Castiel managed to choke down half the gallon before setting it aside.
In spite of his willingness to take in a newly turned vampire, Balthazar had fully expected to be at least uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with Castiel, but as the night wore on he discovered that he wasn’t in the slightest. Strange as it was, there was something comforting about the younger man’s presence, a feeling of camaraderie that he hadn’t even experienced with Victor or Gordon. Whatever the feeling was, it was welcome.
The next few days were a mess of intense, uncomfortable, and mostly pointless research sessions. Gordon and Victor both refused to be anywhere near Castiel; their need to avoid the newly turned vampire was so ridiculous that they were rarely in the house at all, except to eat, sleep and “research.” They weren’t interested in helping find the cure at all, and any relevant research was slow-going and nearly impossible to find.
Balthazar was the only person who would talk to Castiel, and though it was rarely good news he had to deliver, their bond grew with each conversation. They spoke of their childhood, hobbies, and dreams and discovered they were strangely alike; they both had disinterested parents and a need for something away from home.
Castiel insisted that he could hold his own in a fight, but against creatures he didn’t even know existed, even the hardest of men couldn’t handle that. He didn’t want pity from Balthazar, but that was something the hunter never offered. Instead, Balthazar was understanding and even taught Castiel a few things about hunting. It almost felt like he was being included and the thought warmed him somewhat.
He looked up to Balthazar for that reason; the other hunters weren’t as forward, and they seemed wary around him. But Balthazar was different. He was skilled; he’d told Castiel tales of different hunts and the younger man would stare at him in awe and fascination, longing clear in his bright blue eyes.
----
It was a few days later when Balthazar brought it up. Castiel’s hunger had been getting worse the longer he was in the state of being half-turned. His eyes had started to glaze over and his voice began to sound far-away, like he didn’t fully understand what he was saying and was having trouble focusing.
“You could do it you know.” Balthazar spoke quietly, influenced by the sight of Castiel’s amazement with him and with hunting.
“Do what?” Castiel sounded dazed, his eyes focused on something on the other side of the window. He was still on the bed, cow’s blood in hand.
“Become a hunter, with me… with us,” Balthazar’s voice was less hesitant now, and he sat forward on his chair, his hands open before him in earnest. “Once we find a cure, you can just stay with us! It’s not like you have anywhere else to go.”
“What about my sister?” Castiel’s head tilted and his brow furrowed as he turned to the older man, facing him and hitching a leg further up onto the bed..
“We can find her! We’re some of the best at tracking; we found the nest you were at in just a few days… she can’t be that hard to find. I’ll help you. I just don’t want you on the street again.” Balthazar sat back in his chair, clearing his throat and scratching at the back of his neck.
“Well… find a cure. Then find her. I’ll think about it… when I can think clearly.” Castiel trailed off as his head dropped forwards, shoulders slumping and then shaking, the glass of blood in his hand tipping over and spilling onto the bed, the red seeping into the covers. Balthazar was on his feet in a matter of seconds and he climbed onto the bed next to Castiel.
He pushed the glass out of Castiel’s limp hand and rolled the younger man onto his back. His eyes were bloodshot and glassy, mouth open and wet, a large row of jagged fangs pressing dents into his lower lip. Balthazar pulled at Castiel’s eyelids, pushing them further up and leaning to the side to let the light fan over them; his pupils were pinpricks in the centre of his now dull blue irises.
“Shit, it’s getting worse! I’ll find a cure soon. Just don’t go crazy on me Cas. Just hold on!”
---
After Castiel’s scare, Balthazar doubled the vampire’s blood intake and threw himself into his research with a newfound frenzy. Both of his efforts paid off shortly thereafter; not only did consuming more animal blood help Castiel recover, but Balthazar managed stumbled across the cure in an old hunter’s journal Gordon found.
The next time Victor and Gordon returned to the house, Balthazar was quick to call them to action.
“Good, you’re back; I have a list of everything we need to reverse Castiel’s transformation; we need you to pick them up on your next run.” Balthazar was sick of sitting on his fine ass and was desperate to get into action; his new friend was not looking any better than when he first met him.
“And why are we gonna do that, your royal highness?” Gordon growled, eyes narrowed as he glanced at Castiel.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t asking. We need everything on that list as soon as possible.” Crossing his arms, Balthazar blocked Castiel from view and caught Gordon’s gaze, his expression barring no arguments.
“C’mon now, we have better things to do!” Gordon crossed his arms as well and Balthazar couldn’t help but muse at how much he looked like a puffed up chicken.
“Forgive me, but I thought we became hunters to protect people. Is this not protecting people?” As Gordon advanced, Balthazar raised an eyebrow and held his ground.
“No, it’s protecting soon to be monsters, which is what we kill, in case you forgot. You’re not going soft on us, are you?” By the time he finished, Gordon was in Balthazar’s face, his scowl deepening when he realized the other hunter wasn’t going to back down.
“Oh believe me, going soft is not a problem I have.” Behind them, Castiel shifted uncomfortably.
“Just give us the damn list.” Victor intervened. “You can stay here and babysit.”
“Much obliged.” Balthazar said airily. Only Castiel noticed his clenched fists as his companions left.
Nearly forty five minutes later, Castiel finally spoke up. “Balthazar, stop pacing around the room. You’ll make yourself dizzy.”
“I hate being so useless. I just feel I should be doing something.” Balthazar had to fight the urge to throw himself onto the bed dramatically.
“You’ve done enough. You found what we need to give me a chance, just relax, please.”
“What do you mean ‘I’ve done enough’?” Balthazar asked, skeptical of Castiel’s tone.
“I just mean... You’re gonna take it the wrong way if I tell you.”
“Tell me.”
“Forget I said anything.”
“Tell me.” Balthazar practically growled, closing the space between them.
“Maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you had to kill me. I mean, look at my life. I’ve not done a lot I’m proud of. Just maybe-” Balthazar cut him off and grabbed him by the collar.
“Don’t you ever talk like that again. You’re worth it, Cas, God damn it, why can’t you see that? You’re worth fighting for.” Balthazar shook Castiel slightly for emphasis, but the vampire couldn’t meet his gaze.
“Look, I’m not saying I want to die… just that maybe I don’t want to live.”
“Why can’t you see you deserve to live?” Hands tightening on his arms, Balthazar shifted, meeting Castiel’s gaze.
“I’m, I’m sorry.” He stammered, too scared to say anything else as he noticed Balthazar’s trembling hands and jagged breath. “Would a kiss make you feel better?”
“What?” Balthazar’s eyes widened, but Castiel just looked down and held out his hand.
“Hershey’s Kisses. I always carry some around with me in case I feel down.” Balthazar’s shoulders began to shake in silent laughter.
“So you just carry these around?” he asked, chuckling.
“Yes. I used to go to a friend’s house after school as a kid, and if I was ever upset their dad would give me one of these. They were still new back then so they were really exciting- I was never sad eating them.”
“Wow Cas, you actually had a friend?” Balthazar joked awkwardly, not entirely sure why he felt so awkward.
“Briefly. It turned out our friendship was a little one-sided.” Castiel looked away, frowning.
“I’m sorry they didn’t appreciate you.” Reaching up, Balthazar tilted Castiel’s chin to meet his gaze again.
“Me too.”
“I think I will have that kiss.” Balthazar said, taking the candy out of Cas’ hand whilst planting a kiss on his cheek before walking away. He missed Cas’ blush, which was a shame because he would have loved to see that small self-conscious grin.
“Are you bored?” Castiel asked after a few minutes of silence.
“No, I’m quite content watching the shadows race. Of course I’m bored.”
“I found a pack of cards. Do you know how to play anything?”
Interest piqued, Balthazar nodded. “Do you know Blackjack?”
“Of course.”
---
“Ace, change to hearts.” Balthazar said unenthusiastically. The last round had become so heated that he’d had thrown the cards across the room in anger and was about to storm off before he saw the look on Castiel’s face. This round he was trying to remain calm. Castiel simply smiled as he picked up a card.
Distracted from the game, Balthazar found himself staring at Castiel. “You’re starting to grow quite a beard there, Cassie. Why don’t you shave that thing off?”
Caught off-guard, the younger man looked almost embarrassed. “I, I don’t know how to shave.”
“What?!” Balthazar exclaimed, carelessly dropping his cards on the table.
“My father was never around to teach me, and after I cut myself trying, my brothers just did it for me. It never grew fast enough for it to be a problem before.” He shrugged nonchalantly.
“I bet you don’t know how to put on a tie either?”
Castiel shrugged. “Not exactly.”
“Well I can’t risk teaching you to shave in case you cut yourself and, well,” he gestured towards Castiel, who nodded in understanding. “But wait right here.”
He returned holding a slip of fabric. “You bring this under, like this.” He murmured as he knotted the tie for Castiel, making sure he was able to see the movements. Castiel could feel Balthazar’s breath against his neck. “Now you try.” He instructed without moving back.
In the few short weeks they had known each other, the need for personal space had disappeared - they were just too comfortable in each other’s presence to need much space. Castiel clumsily tried to replicate what Balthazar had just done. It wasn’t perfect but Balthazar commended his attempt.
“Keep trying.”
---
“Anything?”
“Turn the flashlight on and look for yourself.”
“What’s the point in knowing a creature of the night if he won’t help you prowl through the darkness without bumping into walls?”
The jokes were slowly losing their sting. Slowly. Castiel still had to grit his teeth every time someone or something reminded him of what he was, an action which only made the slits scoring his gums more noticeable. He’d taken to running his tongue over them when he was thinking, and did so now, until his shoulder was grabbed.
“What’s that?”
“Me. Balthazar.”
“Ah.”
Castiel let his eyes wander across the room, taking in every possible hiding place. He knew there were no vampires in the tenement blocks, he’d known that since they had pulled up outside, but he also knew this particular vampire’s MO. He’d been through it himself, after all. Balthazar had needed little persuasion to check the building for humans. They weren’t getting the blood of his sire tonight, but maybe they could save some lives.
There was suddenly an arm around his waist.
“That is also me.”
“I see that.”
He didn’t need the burst of illumination from the flashlight to know Balthazar was smirking; his voice was dripping with it. He rolled his eyes and removed the hand on his hip.
“Let’s try the next level.” He didn’t let go of Balthazar’s hand when they found the stairs, even as they each edged a different way around the gaping hole they came to half way up. On hunts, Castiel liked knowing where Balthazar was at all times, and contact was as good a way as any of keeping track. Better than most, even, since Balthazar wasn’t complaining about it.
The top floor was silent, but they went through the motions. Neither said it, but there was always the chance of discovering a body. When the search remained fruitless Castiel shifted to head back to the staircase, but Balthazar’s hand stopped him. It enclosed his wrist, tighter than before, and he was brought abruptly to a halt.
“What is it?”
“Look.”
He did. Balthazar had caught him next to a gaping hole in the thin wall, the jagged rips cutting into a view across the city, where a thousand lights blended into a rich glow. The balmy southern air played with Balthazar’s hair, shaggy from lack of recent attention. Castiel watched him watch the city, and smiled.
“I didn’t think you would be one to appreciate a view.” Castiel quipped, smiling as Balthazar chuckled.
“You wouldn’t know it, would you? Not since I only hung around with Gordon and Victor. Maybe that’s why I fought so hard for you.” His fingers brushed the back of Castiel’s neck as they both surveyed the metropolis, still burning with life, even in the early hours of the morning.
“So you’re not just pretending to be that shallow, you really are.”
“Guilty. But then,” his hand came to rest and Castiel found himself subject to the smallest push. “Perhaps it takes a shallow man to see the good in a vampire.”
In the end, the gap wasn’t that far, and as they closed it, it didn’t feel like the first time. They fit, Castiel realised, as his eyes flickered shut of their own accord.
He felt the smile on Balthazar’s lips, and was going to draw back to berate him on his sense of triumph when the other man froze. Castiel did pull back then, opening his eyes to search Balthazar’s. He found them wide.
He felt Balthazar buckle, and suddenly Castiel was supporting the entirety of the other man’s weight. They hit the wall painfully and slid to the ground, and it was only then Castiel saw the wooden bolt, soaked in what must be dead man’s blood, protruding from Balthazar’s side.
Castiel almost snapped his own neck as he scanned the room. There was no sign of a close attack, but there were footfalls close to the stairs. His first thoughts, traitorously, were Victor and Gordon, but the step was lighter than either, and both were good shots. If they had chosen to kill him, he would be dead. But instead...
He ran a hasty hand over Balthazar’s forehead, trying to keep him still as he choked on the air he was meant to be breathing.
“No, no, no, no...”
There was blood on his chin now, and Castiel tore his eyes away, looking instead to where the footsteps were drawing closer.
The hunter was young, doe-eyed and new to the game. Castiel could tell by the way his crossbow hung loosely at his side. It wasn’t difficult to slam him against the wall. Maybe he knocked him out, or maybe there was a crack, Castiel couldn’t tell over the ringing in his ears. Either way, he was back beside Balthazar before the other opened his eyes.
“Well. That ruined the moment somewhat.” Castiel chose to ignore the hacking breaths around the voice that had always been so smooth.
“Don’t talk.” Talking made blood fleck his lips. “We need to get you to a hospital.”
“I’m not getting that far, Cassie.”
“Don’t.” It came out as a sob. Balthazar met his gaze and seemed almost apologetic, which made Castiel feel worse. Worse than worse. Helpless.
But wait. He wasn’t.
Balthazar seemed to see the thought in his expression.
“Cassie... don’t.”
“But you would heal.”
“And you would... f-forever... feel guilt. Don’t do this to yourself. Not... for m-me. I don’t want you to.”
Castiel’s wrist was half way to his mouth before Balthazar knocked it away. The effort seemed to destroy a part of him; his face crumpled into agony and the coughing returned. Castiel’s eyes stung. The blood? Or the fact that it was Balthazar’s blood?
“Please don’t leave me. Not you.” A shadow of the old, playful smile flickered across Balthazar’s face.
“You’re not shaking me... easy, Cassie. If anyone should believe in... life after d-death, it’s us. You’ll see me again.”
Except you’ll be going straight upstairs and I’m...
There was a crash, and voices two floors down. There were more, of course there were. Castiel froze, but Balthazar didn’t seem to hear them.
“I’ll find you,” Castiel agreed, grasping the other man’s hand, thinking vaguely of the easy way their fingers had interlocked not an hour before. “If I have to break into Heaven itself.”
The laugh brought up more blood, but this time Cas didn’t look away.
He’s going where I can’t follow. I’m already damned. I’ve been damned since the barn. No, before the barn. Since Anna left. But it doesn’t matter when. What matters is I am. And nothing is going to change that. Not some magic potion, not good intentions and not falling in love. I’m lost.
So.
He bent forward, crushing his lips to Balthazar’s bloody mouth. It wasn’t the sweet, gentle kiss they had shared minutes before. It was the last desperate kiss of a dead man, deep, and mixed with hot tears from one or both of them, Castiel couldn’t tell.
The blood was hot too. It seemed to shoot through Castiel’s senses, making everything suddenly a thousand times more lucid. He could feel every shudder of Balthazar’s breath, could hear his uneven heartbeat. And he could hear the team of eight hunters in the floors below suddenly noticing their comrade was missing. Dead, Castiel knew now. He couldn’t hear a pulse.
He broke the kiss with everything inexplicably clear. He stayed for a moment, his forehead pressed against Balthazar’s temple, listening to the uneven breathing slow.
Slow.
Stop.
He gave himself a moment to sob, burying his face in his Balthazar’s collar, but the fading pulse soon drove him away. He knew what he had to do. The fangs slid easily around his human teeth, as though they had been waiting for him the whole time.
Leaving his lover’s body under the twinkling city view, Castiel walked back towards the staircase.
He wouldn’t get far.
It didn’t matter.
